In Memories
by seven maxwell
Summary: Trowa recollects how he became a soldier. Not for the faint of heart or the emotional. Angst,disturbing. One Shot


In Memories  
7maxwell 

Trowa centric- Written for DarkTrowa at LiveJournal. Angst/blood/not for the weak of emotion.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no matter how much I cry and plead.

You have been warned. hehe, now enjoy!

* * *

In a time full of confusion, where uncertainty mixed with anger created chaos and bloodshed on a land where flowers once grew. When mankind sought for truth, justice, freedom and peace. When war dominated everything and everyone it touched. A plauge, hidden behind half truths and the pretense of striving for a goal that only made sense in the mind of the innocent. Where survival was led by instinct, instinct led by fear and fear led by the overwhelming power of violence. It was not difficult to understand how or why I ended up where I did. Abandoned as a child, I had no choice but to follow the long chain to surivial. It was instinct. It was fear. It was violent. 

Taken in by Mercenaries at a young age, my mind was unsheltered, unprotected by the gruesome truth of humanity. We humans are not meant to be trusted. We betray each other, fight each other, and in the end kill each other. A life full of torment, blood, pain, and lies. Why do we cling to such existence?

Perhaps it's because it is all that we have.

Growing up with the mercenaries during my adolescent life, taught me very important things. How to survive, how to fight, how to kill, yet it was three specific things that made me who I am today. What I am, what I've become and what I will forever be.

Mercy is for the weak...

_"Mercy...is for the weak and you gentlemen, are not weak. You are soldiers, trained killers...assasins. It is your duty, your responsibility to finish your mission swiftly and skillfully. Do I make myself clear?"_

_"Yes sir"_

_Taking a few steps over to the in ground well, the Boss leaned over and placed his hands on either side of the circle of bricks. "Did you hear that boy? Mercy is for the weak. It'll do you good to remember that from now on," he said. "Maybe it'll help you to learn your lesson and do what I tell you?" Turning to the side, the Boss snapped his fingers and a soldier brought over a canteen of water and piece of bread. The Boss smirked and tossed the items into the well, where at the bottom, a boy sat dirty and half starved._

_"Enjoy it while you can kid. It'll be another two days before your next meal. Maybe then you'll do what I tell you without arguing?" Pushing off the bricks, the Boss turned around and clapped his hands. "Alright boys, show times over get back to work!" The Boss shouted out orders as the soldiers quickly moved to obey._

_Meanwhile, inside the well, the boy forced the bread into his mouth. Hunger forcing him to lose control as he tried to feed the pain within his belly. Dirty, blood crusted fingers twisted the cap off the canteen and tipped water into his mouth, choking as he tried to swallow and chew bread at the same time._

_This was his second day in the well. Punishment for going against the Boss. If only he did what he was told to do, he wouldn't be in there. His attempt at trying to salvage a life was futile as the hostage was killed and he was sentenced to the well for five days with little to no food or water. The Boss called him pathetic, weak. He said mercy was for the weak and perhaps he was right?_

_A clenching in his stomach made him buckle over in pain, his arms winding around his midsection as his stomach tried to digest the pitiful amount of food he was given. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes and he tried vainly not to cry. "Mercy is for the weak" he sobbed. "Mercy is for the weak!"_

_"Mercy is for the weak!" he started yelling. Pain, hunger, and exhaustion forcing him to break down and give in. "Mercy is for the weak!"_

_"What was that boy?"_

_Green eyes looked up from behind grimey bangs to see the Boss leaning over the well. A small smirk tilting the corner of his lips._

_The boy sniffled and in a soft cry repeated himself, "Mercy is for the weak." His eyes meeting the Boss's blue, pleaded for penence._

_The Boss smiled and winked at the boy, "Good. Now that you've learned that, you have two days to make sure you don't forget." With a short laugh walked away._

_The boy curled into himself and sobbed more openly, loudly._

_"Mercy is for the weak..." he whispered._

Mercy is for the weak. I am not weak. I am a soldier, a trained killer, an assasin and it is my duty to finish my mission as swiftly and as skillfully as I can. That is my responsibility.

Failure will not be tolerated...

_"Failure will not be tolerated. I will not have a bunch of losers. I will kill you personally if you fail to finish your mission. Do I make myself clear?"_

_"Yes sir"_

_"Boy come here." The Boss waved the boy over and handed him a gun. "You have ten seconds to take this weapon apart. Understood?"_

_"Yes sir."_

_"Good," pulling out his stopwatch he pressed the button and counted. "Three...two...one...go."_

_Nimble fingers began removing piece by piece parts of the weapon. He laid them out on the table in front of him in the order in which the gun was built. He finished just as the boss pressed the stop button._

_"Good, good. See gentlemen? No name here did as he was told. He did not fail to take apart that gun in ten seconds." Patting the boy on his head he reset the clock. "Now boy, you have ten seconds to put this gun back together again or I will beat you within an inch of your life? Am I understood?"_

_"Y-yes sir"_

_Pressing the button again, he counted. "Three...two...one...go."_

_Nervous fingers rapidly picked up the pieces in order and started putting them into place. With shaky hands, he fumbled around until the gun was finished a second before the Boss pressed the stop button._

_The Boss 'tsked' and shook his head. The boy dropped the gun and took a step back._

_"See...and here I thought you were a good boy." The Boss said, undoing his leather belt form his pants._

_"B-but I put the gun back together in ten seconds!" the boy protested. "I finished it before you stopped the clock!" He took a more steps backwards and reached a wall. A deadend._

_"I told you to put the gun together in ten seconds. You did it in nine. I'm disappointed in you boy. I gave you a direct order and you failed to do as I told you." Lunging forward the Boss grabbed the boy by the collar of his shirt and pulled him back and to the ground. "You have a real problem with discipline you know that!" Lifting the belt high above his head, the Boss brought it down and whipped it across the boys back._

_No name screamed outloud the first time then bit into his bottom lip. He curled into a fetal position, adjusting his body to protect his head as the Boss aimed viciously at him with the leather belt. White flashed before his eyes as the belt whipped around his arms and clear across his face._

_Sobbing outloud he started to repeat mentally, Failure will not be tolerated._

_Failure will not be tolerated._

_"Failure will not be tolerated!" he yelled just as everything went black._

I'm not sure where it was, or when...or who for that matter that taught me that though failure will not be tolerated, it cannot be stopped either. And I believe it was Wufei that showed me that mercy is not for the weak, but for the strong.

I have yet to understand it.

Still, after all I've encountered, all I've lived through. I still abide by those two rules enforced to me by my master. My Boss, the man who raised me and trained me to be who I am. I guess I can admit that it helped me to survive both wars, but in exchange for that skill I've lost...my innocence?

I suppose.

"Psst. Trowa? Hey you copy? Dude you were spacing out there for awhile. You alright?" Duo asked, waving a hand in front of me.

"Yeah"

"You sure?" He asked, worry clearly expressed on his youthful face.

"Yes."

He shruged, "Alright, but keep an ear out, we're about to go in any second now." Just as he said that, we got the green signal to go and as swiftly and skillfully as I could, I kicked open the door and charged into the room. They're were two men inside, each had guns.

"Duo to your three" I shouted and ducked. Running to my nine o'clock, I ducked behind a large metal bin as the second man started firing at me. "Duo!" I yelled.

"Clear!"

Guess it's my turn. Clipping the gun, I took a deep breath and swiftly rolled over across the floor shooting at the suspect. I hit something, not sure what though...

"Duo?"

"Handcuffing the guy, the other one's yours, he's on your side."

Dammit. Normally I wouldn't have problems but today...

Taking another deep breath, I gripped the gun tightly in my hand and made a dash for the second man. I shot him, once in the knee and once in the shoulder. He dropped his gun and I kicked across the room.

"Hands behind your head!" I ordered.

"Please..."

Strange.

"I'm an old man."

That...almost sounded familiar.

"Have mercy on an old man."

Looking up to his whithered old face, he...didn't look familiar.

"Please."

But his voice. I looked at him closer and in the eyes.

Green met blue.

"Please have mercy on an old man." he pleaded.

Something I never thought I would ever hear.

From him...

Only God can save you...

_"Pull the trigger."_

_"S-sir?"_

_"I said pull the trigger!"_

_"B-but sir...sh-she's just a civilian!"_

_"I don't give a rat's ass boy!" The Boss pulled out his gun and aimed it at the boy's head. "I said pull the fucking trigger or I'm pulling mine!"_

_The boy glanced nervously at the gun in his hand and at the gun pointed at his head. "Sir...please don't make me do this!" He begged._

_"Pull the trigger!"_

_"Sir!"_

_"Pull the trigger!"_

_"Sir! Please!"_

_"Pull the Goddammed trigger!"_

_"B-but..."_

_"Do it!"_

_"B-b-b-but..."_

_"Do it!"_

_"Please!" The boy pleaded._

_"DO IT!"_

_The boy cried out and pulled the trigger. His green eyes making contact with the woman's brown ones just as the bullet penetrated her head. Bits of flesh and blood splattered across the his face and hands._

_Red...everything was red..._

_The Boss laughed and slapped a hand on the boys shoulder. "Congratulations boy, you're a killer. Only God can save you now..."_

_Only God can save you..._

"Please, have mercy on an old man."

"Trowa?" Duo came up beside me but I didn't move, didn't respond. I was...frozen.

"Please..."

"Trowa?"

Mercy is for the weak...

"Mercy is for the weak." I whispered. The old mans blue eyes widened.

Failure will not be tolerated...

"Failure will not be tolerated." He started to weep.

Only God can save you...

"Please! NO!" He begged, reaching out in a feeble attempt to grab me.

"Only God can save you..."

I pulled the trigger.

Just like he taught me to.

-End-

* * *

Then end results of a sleepless night and sad music. Laters  



End file.
